It's The Least I Could Do
by Blastoh
Summary: Damon remembers the times he's spent with Bonnie, in this life and in the alternate reality stuck in 1994. Season 6, Bamon.


What is...Sacrifice?

He had seen all throughout history good men and women sacrifice to keep the interests of the many safe. He had fought in wars for a god's sakes, so sacrifice was an everyday thing. But truth be told, none of that had a lasting effect on him, like it would others. Possibly because one doesn't get to live to see and take an active part in as many conflicts as he has, especially when he taught himself to move on from experiences like that on the fly, he didn't like being held back by regrets or what could have been. He had done some sacrificing himself, but for the most part he was still recovering from reoccurring selfishness and pigheaded arrogance to be able to commit fully towards changing a "new leaf"...whatever that meant. He was what he was, a guy that couldn't give a damn about the consequences, he would plunge into hell with a slick grin, and his favorite outfit on. Him turning his humanity off several times throughout the years definitely didn't help his people skills however.

His sacrifices were on a smaller scale. He couldn't die by conventional means, but he had willingly thrown down his life for Elena more times than he could imagine. But to be honest, there really wasn't a true "cause" he believed in. He was a killer by nature alone. Being a vampire does that to people, and sure you could fight it for a while, but it'll come and go here and there leaving bodies in its wake.

_Best to let the beast eat it's food. _

That's basically how he coped. Give the animal it's food and it won't go on a killing spree. Well, not one too big.

But besides, that what could he say? He had nothing besides Elena and Stefan to really fight for. Especially now that _she_ was gone.

Damon sucked in his cheeks and frowned, he had made it back home, just what he always wanted. But it was all so bittersweet, it didn't even feel worth it anymore. Why? Well, he did want to come back to the land of the living of course, but he did not plan on crossing back over _alone. _Now, here he sat, in Bonnie's dorm room, trying to figure out why he cared so much. They grew closer, mostly out of necessity, but he had found Bonnie to be actually pretty fun and well, not useless.

"_Still think I'm useless_?"

A smile cracked his lips, breaking apart the remorseful frown. He was awfully protective of her, he didn't let Kai touch Bonnie for shit. She and him could argue all day, but that was because they could. That was the bond they shared, and he knew that now. Out of everyone besides probably Stefan, he had a genuine and protective relationship with her, and at the end of the day, they always came back to each other. However, he wished that the number of times he did for her outnumbered or at least kept up with hers. She sacrificed for him, giving up her own life in the process knowingly, and willingly, so that he could cross back over. He used to have sick, weird, fantasies about snapping her neck whenever she would rub it in his face how he couldn't kill her. How she was the one person he couldn't drop for good.

_Yeah, and she's gone. And I'm not happy about that. Not one bit. Funny._

The irony wasn't lost on him, he was at the edge of her bed now, and gingerly sat down, feeling older beyond his years. It seemed like he had known her forever, and yet not so much at the same time. He chalked that up to her sudden expiration, and while it was always saddening to see her die, it seemed everyone in Mystic Falls had this weird habit of dying just to come back the next day, which prompted him towards making several jokes about the rest of "Mystic Falls Resident Mystery Mobile Gang" as he liked to call them, being nothing more than glorified zombies. But this time definitely had a finality to it that tried to bludgeon the point home that she may not be returning, and that he might as well start his mourning now rather than taking it out on someones jugular later. There was a picture of her, Elena, and Caroline on the dresser, awful timing. He mentally blocked out Caroline, and out of guilt, Elena, and focused on the caramel skinned woman in the middle. He looked down at it for a solid ten seconds before he finally shifted in the bed to pull out his phone from his jeans.

He found her number under the name "Judgy Sabrina" smirked a tiny bit, his ability to crack a smile feeling weighed down by an increasing guilt, he had to get out of here fast. He tapped on her name and seconds later the familiar sound of ringing greeted his ears. He took this time to soak in her room, which vaguely smelled like her. He missed her bad, a lot more than what should be natural for a relationship that defined the term love-hate. On paper, they weren't anything more than that, but why the hell did she confuse him the way she did? They had a deal in the split reality that what happened here, stayed here, between them. He wasn't doing such a very good job of letting go though. Even from the grave she would plague his mind with her morality and her giving nature. She sacrificed so much on the daily, and everyone else in the Mystery Mobile Gang just took and took and kept on taking. He was the latest addition to that list, and he hated that.

He wanted to give back to her, to show her he wanted to be that guy she thought he could be, and it broke off pieces of him when he told her the truth about what he did back in 1994, the look on her face convinced him that he actually was in his own hell. Stefan was largely indifferent to his murderous antics, having grown used to it by now (which is seriously sad), Elena was always willing to take him back and turn the other cheek, but Bonnie would not let him breathe. She made sure he knew what he did wrong, and in her own way, made him pay. He didn't even know why she'd bother anyways, they both knew that while he was cleaning up his act sort of, he would still be Damon at the end of the day. But without saying the words out loud, she told him _she knew the risks. _How could he ever begin to thank her? Or even show her how much he appreciated her uncanny ability to put up with him. She saved him more than once, putting aside her anger at him just so he could live, if only to yell at him after. He thought about it more than once, and of course, he wondered why he hadn't just pushed her away even harder than he already had. She just didn't get the message though, he wasn't a guy that wanted to be saved.

The call went straight to voicemail, as expected, and he was greeted by the same voicemail she always had.

"It's Bonnie, leave a message."

_Straight to the point, all work, and no play. Oh Bon Bon._

"That's it? That's your outgoing message? Really? I mean, the one time I'm actively seeking the sound of your voice, that's all I get. Perfect. Hmph." He said, playfully rolling his eyes at no one in particular. "Anyway, I'm in your room, which is a lot less weird than it sounds," Damon's voice involuntarily lowered, and the mood turned somber as what should have been a voicemail message for Bonnie felt more like her eulogy. "But I just wanted to say that cause of what you did for me, today's the day that I get to see Elena. So thank you. And I'm sorry...and other than that, I don't know what to say, or what I'm supposed to say except that ah...the final, possible, global scenario is that I might miss you a little bit."

Understatement.

And on cue, a separate call from Elena broke him from his final words to Bonnie. Hesitantly, he ended the voicemail, and accepted Elena's offer of meeting up.

He took one final look at Bonnie's photo which was now out of his hands and back on it's spot on the dresser, and swallowed hard. His brows knitted in deep thought, he began to feel something he rarely felt, remorse.

She should have been here, or at the very least, let him take her place so someone can sacrifice for her for once. They had spent four months together, and of those months, he would never speak to anyone else, not Elena, not 'Ric, nor Stefan. It would be their secret, and while he'll feel guilty about it for a while, it seemed fitting that the memories wouldn't be tarnished by anyone else's opinion.

But there was still a large part of him that grieved over what could have been, should their fates had changed.

Here he was, getting what he had always wanted for those four months, and yet now he wanted to turn back time, just so he could spend just a little bit more time with her, at least for a proper goodbye instead of some shitty voicemail.

_You deserve way more than that, way more than the guy I am. _

He had spoke those words to Elena before, because it was true. But with Bonnie, she deserved a lot more than just that. Shit, if he could, he would give her a muscled, tall, guy that flies and disguises himself as a reporter, but Damon was just a man, an undead one granted, but just a man. Bonnie with or without her magic, was a goddess that he indirectly caused to expire away...Meanwhile the sinner is left to grieve in her dorm.

The feelings brewing in him were making him angry now, he felt as though he was spitting in her face, she did this so he could see _Elena_ again; so he can live on to tell the story...

And now she wasn't the one he wanted to see.

Who seen this coming?

And now he would go to Elena with a fake smile plastered on his face with the roses behind his back, feigning the interest and fire he had for her before he had left the land of the living, and before she got herself compelled to forget the reason she ever loved him. It was all so messed up now, like a puzzle that was one piece away from being complete until someone accidentally steps on it and scatters the pieces right back to step one. He really hated to think of Bonnie as dead and gone, but it was either that, or have her be trapped on the other side with 'Child From the Corn' Kai...

But he swore that he would find out what her final fate was, even if it killed him, again, so to speak.

He _had_ to know.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Well, that's the first chapter, I'm doing things slightly differently, for the sake of my own continuity in the story. But, I've been thinking about how I should proceed with this, and I've decided to more or less center this around their time on the other side together. Four months alone, and nothing happens? Hm, I call b.s. but anyways, let me know what you guy's think the in the reviews or PM. Next chap is basically flashing back to their time together after last season's finale. Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter :D_


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